Don’t you just love when you start randomly thinking about something and some how you end up coming up with some really deep feeling or explanation for something?  Well, tonight while sitting at a football game, I realized something about myself.  This is how it all began.  Personality wise, I come off strong towards other people.  The people around me interpret my personality in different ways.  (I’m not quite sure whether some or many is the word to use here, because I have never taken a poll, but…)  Many/Some people think I am a mean person.  I’m really not.  I can be mean, extremely mean in fact, but I don’t have a mean heart.  I’m actually quite kind.  My “mean-ness” stems from two main things: my edge-y-ness (sp?) and my opinions.  By edge-y-ness, I mean that I am always on edge.  When people upset me, I am not very good at hiding it.  I’m not really the type of person to hold things in, which leads to my opinions.  I am an extremely opinionated person.  I have strong beliefs about many things and I’m not scared to hide them.  I like to make everyone around me know what my opinions are because if I don’t make my opinions known, then what’s the use of even having them?  Since I have an answer to every question and a position on every debate, I like to prove my point and I won’t stop until I do.  I always try and try until I win because I am never satisfied with losing.  Most the time, I win simply because the other person is tired of hearing me.  This is probably why people see me as mean.  I am really strong and heated during debates.  So that’s how people usually see me as generally mean.  But also, I can be personally mean.  This also stems from my strong opinions.  I usually disagree with something the person is saying or doing.  This is where my kind heart comes in.  I typically get mean when something about the other person is offensive.  First off, when people mess with me, I am not the person to just let it go by.  I make a point to say something.  Also, when people mess with other people, I get even more enraged.  It’s kinda like in those 90s-cheesy-cheerleader-high school-jock movies when they say things along the lines of “you fuck with me, i’ll fuck you harder.”  Well, I’m not actually quite sure if that is in a movie, but I know I say it to people on a day to day basis.  I just think there is no need for violence and hate.  However, this is where I become hypocritical.  I fight fire with fire, except in my case, my flame is hotter.  When people hurt other people, there is just this strong feeling inside me that compels me to want to tear the shit out of the attacker.  For some reason, in my mind, I see the end justifying the means.  In order to help the victim, I hurt the attacker.  I guess I could be called a “modern day Robin Hood.”  Nah, that’s just me being cocky.  However, one time, I had a PE teacher my freshman year of high school.  During PE, there is alot of open oppurtunities to take jabs at other people due to game play.  Well, my teacher, Mr. John Mayer, took notice in how I acted towards other people.  One day, he said to me “Jenni, you are just like me when I was your age.  You are a bully of the bullies.”  I never really fully agreed with him until tonight, I am in fact a bully of the bullies.