My weekend was eventful.  I didn’t expect to learn more about myself and at the time, I didn’t actually realize I did learn anything.  But now looking back and reflecting, I do understand myself a little more.  I realized truly how much I haven’t been being my natural self.  A friend of mine, who I’ve recently become close to again was becoming a strong influence on me.  I’ve always admired her for many different reasons.  Since lately I haven’t really known myself and have been confused, I started trying to be like her.  Which I’m really disappointed in myself for, but it actually turned out to be a really good thing.  I don’t want to be her.  It’s not my natural self.  I learned this through hanging out with her and another two of my friends at the same time.  I felt more connected to people I just met than her.  I was trying so hard for her to accept me, I was kidding myself about who I really am.  My new friends are becoming my new influence, a good one though.  When I’m around them I’m naturally encouraged to be my true self.  I’m really thankful for this.  I think it’s a great start to becoming who I am and not who I’m not.  I’ve decided that first I need to discover and understand who I am naturally before I can make changes for myself about who I want to be.  I don’t want to be a completely new person.  However, that’s what I thought I wanted to do at first.  I realized that that’s not the best plan for me.  I’m becoming more self aware and I’m beginning to understand myself.  I’m excited for this new adventure I’m starting.

Goodbye for now.

Jenni

I haven’t posted in what seems like ages.  I’ve been falling behind, but I’m thinking about returning. Recently I’ve come to an understanding of the fact that I’m somewhat of a complicated person, so it’s hard for others to understand me sometimes. However, it upsets me that even I can’t understand myself.  I’ve decided that I want to find myself, but I’m not exactly sure how to or where to even start.  I thought maybe separating myself from the outside world for a few days would give me time and space to think, but I didn’t last half a day.  I couldn’t help but keep in touch with my closest friends via texts, phone calls, IMs, etc. This kind of defeats the purpose though.  I was hoping to get rid of outside influences for a few days, but I can’t help but keep in touch with friends.  Instead of taking myself away from society temporarily, I’m going to try to make it a daily task of taking notice of small pieces of myself and discovering how it relates to who I am as a full person. Today I have gone back into my “darkness.”  I have rediscovered one of my favorite bands, Three Days Grace.  It’s interesting to think that yesterday I was enjoying Atmosphere and Murs, which isn’t very similar to Three Days Grace.  However, I’ve always enjoyed Three Days Grace and I think that it’s more me than the other two are.  I think I just adapted to what my friends and the people around me enjoyed.  So today I decided to go back to what I discovered for myself.  Hopefully this is a good start to my new quest. 

Peace,

Jen